Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize