Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
