I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
