jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
