I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
