This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
