it wasn't lemon gatorade
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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