He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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