May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
