the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
