Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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