Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
