"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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