Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
