OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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