Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
