Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
