i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
