I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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