Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
