I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
