i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
