I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
