Already got asked if we're dating
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
