You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
