You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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