I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
