It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
