It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
