Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
North Korea, Best Korea!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize