Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You are the jesus of drinking
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
