I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
