The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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