i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
