Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
