i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
