Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
