I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
