I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
