I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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