I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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