my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
