The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
