I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
