hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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