plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize