why didn't you poke me back
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
