too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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