i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think people are normalizing furries
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
