i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
