Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
