I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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