Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
