everyone is single if you try hard enough
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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