Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
