There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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