You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
