As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
