You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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