Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
