Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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