Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
