can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
