HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
