i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
